So, I have been thinking about writing this one for the last couple of weeks and now I think it is the perfect time to do so. It’s funny, as educators, when our students see us out and about in public they get very wide eyed and a little freaked out to see us outside of the school building. Some of you might have experienced the anxiety of someone literally seeing you, locking eyes with you, and then walking away because they’re so nervous to interact outside of the regular school day. Or, you might get the excitement as if you’re a local celebrity which is pretty cool.
Stereotypical Parenting
Lately, I have been getting a lot more interactions with parents and guardians out in the community (mine or elsewhere) and there is a type of anxiety or nervousness that I have not really seen or heard before from this group. Now, you might be thinking that for years we have the stereotypical parents who are so driven in making sure their child is participating in all the things that they need to, registering for the right classes like honors, AP, dual enrollment or even IB. But this is something different.
I think we’ve entered a phase where people, and I specifically mean parents and students, don’t quite know the “formula” for reaching the intended pathway after high school graduation. In most cases, the assumption is a high school student will graduate and go off to college. That’s great. In other cases, I hope that families have opportunities to have conversations around other wishes like joining the military, entering vocation, or even just taking a year to volunteer and figure out what they really want to do in their professional life.
Teach Students Emotional Intelligence & Reflection
With that being said, I wanted to share some thoughts on how we might be able to guide our students and their parents on ways to think beyond the grades and registration for certain classes. Let’s change the conversation and narrative back to encouraging parents to get their kids to start thinking about what they really want to do after high school graduation. There is time to take risks and explore for the next four years of high school. Let’s lean in more on teaching students emotional intelligence and reflection.
I have had two recent experiences where a parent, who does not live anywhere in my community or district, finds out that I am an educator and seeks my advice on what’s best for their child when it comes to academics. I often try to express that it depends on the child and that there’s not one right way for everyone. And then I just listen. I listen to them speak with such anxiety and sometimes frustration and mostly worry about if their child is taking the right class or being assessed appropriately.
Parenting Trends
I think Julie Lythcott-Haims does a good job of explaining the “How to Raise Successful Kids — Without Over-Parenting” in her TED Talk. She talks about how there is and has been a trend of parents feeling like their kids can’t be successful unless they’re “constantly protecting and preventing at every turn” or hovering over every decision to get them to college. That sounds stressful and not helpful (even with good intentions).
Focus on the Good Life
At the core, parents just want their child to have a good life. As much as I love academia, I think that just leaving our schools to learn the core subjects is rudimentary. The social and emotional aspect is much more important. Once someone gets comfortable in self-awareness, human connections, and emotional intelligence, they are able to truly set a path for their success in both learning and life. According to the Harvard Grant Study, there are 3 Lessons on Life, Love, and Decision to have a good life:
1. Success is seen over the arc of of someone’s life, so think long-term
2. Emotional intelligence is key
3. Relationships, relationships, relationships
As educators, we get the pleasure to get to know a lot of human beings. Every person in the learning environment plays a part in a student’s life. Sometimes, teachers are the only ones advocating for their student’s true interest or wants. Not all of the time, but we do always have the privilege to support many students in determining their path in life. All I am suggesting is that we try to take an appropriate pause this year when we have that overbearing parent, nervous Nellie, or persistent student and remember that people just want to do and be right. We have the opportunity to have the conversation that although grades help to determine understanding, the most important thing in life and learning is growth and joy.
See You Real Soon,
Erin